Not ready yet

I am so glad that when my daughter asked me if she could get highlights she was referring to the magazine and not the hair bleaching.

Out of nearly three hundred

finishers, Evan came in thirty-second. And he improved his time over last year by twenty minutes. I am very proud of my man.

I have a confession.

I got emotional this morning over a little boy and a dream.

Jack got up this morning, climbed into bed by me and began to tell me about his dream. I was so excited to hear the dream, even though I can't for the life of me remember what it was about, that I started to get teary. So, the things that made me teary are this; one, he had a dream that he realized was cool enough to remember. For some reason, that seems so big-boy to me. Two, he wanted to tell me all about it. And three, he was able to, in long sentences, with adjectives and inflection.
I am always so amazed that he can do all these things without anyone teaching him. How miraculous is it that a child can do all that? I was so amazed that I had to choke back tears. I hope he didn't know, because while his three-year-old mind can process cool dreams and sentence formation, I think it may have been confused by happy tears.

I sometimes wonder when I will stop being shocked by the miracle of the normal. And while I know that Maisy is always full of surprises and is miraculous in her ability to overcome, I am amazed in the miracle that is normal development. The miracle that all of it happens on its own.

St. Maarten

So, I can't believe I haven't posted pictures of St. Maarten. Our trip was so wonderful, but coming back to snow and cold, I felt kind of bad even mentioning having gone on a trip. Especially to such beautiful places. While we were at sea and Evan was in classes, I had so much time and no obligations. It was much more indulgent than I feel I'm allowed to be.

We took a Natural Wonders Tour on St. Maarten and I think Evan could very easily move to the French side of the Island. We docked on the Dutch side in Philipsburg, where we visited a zoo and then took a bus to the French side to see the tide pools.
St Maarten is divided almost in half, the Dutch side, Sint Maarten and the French side, Saint Martin. In 1648 the Island was divided between France and the Netherlands Antilles, being desirable by both countries for the export of salt.
We were told this story about the uneven division of the Island: To divide the island in two sections, [in 1648] two walkers were chosen, one chosen by the French-dominated community and the other one by the Dutch-dominated community. They were put back to back on a beach on one side of the island, and were told to walk in opposite directions around the island. The point where they eventually meet would divide Saint-Martin from Sint Maarten. Once they met on the other side, the French had covered 20 square miles, while the Dutch only 13 square miles. The story goes that while the French walker chose wine to drink, the Dutch chose gin; so while the French walker continued on, the Dutchman had to sit down and take a nap.
They were building eight villas on the land we are standing on and I have to say I would love to be able to buy one. Can you believe that view? (Except we heard that the beaches are clothing optional, and for those that opt out, clothing should be required.)
Once we got back to the Dutch side we shopped around a bit and I bought the cutest topsy-turvy dolls from this lady, one side is dressed in traditional Dutch clothing and the other side is French.
St. Maarten was really beautiful. Unique to St. Martin is the fact that property tax is only assessed once a home is finished, so many of the homes were unfinished and will stay that way. Also, our tour guide lives on the Dutch side, where as his mom and brother live on the French side, so rather than pay for an international call he drops in for a visit.

Puerto Rico

We sailed into San Juan from one side of Fort San Cristobal and then sailed around the fort to San Juan Bay.

San Juan, Puerto Rico was really beautiful.

But Evan and I decided to spend the day at El Yunque, the rain forest. It covers 28,000 acres of land and is home to 240 species of native trees, 50 species of orchids, and 150 species of ferns (I didn't even know there were that many.)
Water is abundant seeing as it rains there pretty much every day, hence rain forest.
We didn't get to see much wildlife, probably because there are so many places for them to hide.
Evan did have a nice duet with a coqui. He does a lovely rendition of their song and since these little tree frogs have always fascinated me, I was charmed.
El Yunque is so large that I'm sure our hike barely scratched the surface of this beautiful national park. And our trip to Puerto Rico barely scratched the surface of this enchanting Island.
Although much of the Puerto Rico we saw from the bus seemed poor, our tour guide knew everything and I would love to go back and see more.

Three AM

While talking to a friend about our recent vacation, I mentioned that I could get used to relaxing on the beach all the time. She said our time will come when the kids are grown and I thought, "Not mine." Now I know there will come a day when my kids are grown and doing their own thing, but this may not happen for Maisy. I may always have to make arrangements for Maisy, when I go to help Sadie with the birth of her first baby or go to see Jack graduate from college. Either she will come along, or I will have to arrange for someone to take care of her. Sometimes I even wake up in the middle of the night and think who will take care of Maisy when I die.

I mentioned some of these thoughts to another friend and she said, "Oh Somer, I never thought about that. You have no idea what Maisy's future holds, do you?" And of course she shouldn't have thought about it, she has enough to think about with her own children and worries, and realistically, does anyone know what their child's future holds? I think the thing that worries me is the balance; the balance between Maisy's needs and the needs of the other people in my life. Maybe that's why they call it special needs. But then I'm back to the thought that all needs are special, especially to the person who needs them.

I know this seems morbid and I'm not trying to be negative or a downer, just realistic; its not the part of getting through life that I'm proud of, I wish I didn't worry. Especially in the middle of the night or when I should be enjoying other things. Sometimes I watch a young adult wiping down a table or greeting at a store and I wonder if Maisy will have a job like that someday. Which doesn't seem too bad to me, as long as she's happy, but still, its not what I envision for my other kids.

So I guess that, while I will always find reason to smile and laugh, and I will probably grow old singing "Popcorn Popping" in the middle of stores, every life comes with worries and stress. Maybe raising children is just a series of sleepless nights worrying about what may or may not be and waiting to find out what is.

Jack: Mom, you're going to jail.

Me: Why am I going to jail? That makes me sad.

Jack: Cause you're a monster.

Me: I'm not a monster, you're a monster.

Jack (giggling): I not a monster. Monsters go to jail.

Me: Does it make them sad to go to jail?

Jack: No they like jail, dat's where dey belong.

Me: But houses are happier than jail, don't they want to live in a house with their family?

Jack: No, monsters like jail because dat is where dey go to be snowfakes.

Me: Monsters become snowflakes in jail?

Jack: Uh huh, snowfakes and ornaments.

Me: Can we hang them on the Christmas tree?

Jack: Yes, we can hab ornaments dat used to be monsters on our Christmas tree and we can tape da snowfakes to da windows.

Promised Pictures - Grand Turk

Our first stop was Grand Turk, Turks, Caicos. It was amazingly beautiful.

Except for our snorkeling trip with some hilarious Jamaican guides,
this is where Evan spent his time on the island.
And this is where I hung out.
And every time we left an island we were a little bit sad.

Third

Evan took third place in the Triathlon series he competed in last summer. He thinks it is because not many people entered the whole series, I think its because he's pretty great.

Easter Eggs

I think my kids are growing up too fast.
I'm really glad they still like Easter egg hunts and dying eggs, and that they know that the Easter bunny sneaks in at night and places baskets full of sugary treats and fake grass in our house.
It makes me feel better amongst sunglasses, independence, nail polish, and the looming possibility of a training bra, that they can still believe.

Time on my hands

Due to a confusion with our internet provider we have been offline since Thursday. So what do you do when you can't check your email, check up on friends blogs, and just generally mess around online? I baked. Since Thursday I have made Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies, Lemon Curd, a double batch of Lemon Pound Cake, Strawberry Napoleons, and Banana Bread. Our house smells great, but I'm not sure my jeans will fit.