While talking to a friend about our recent vacation, I mentioned that I could get used to relaxing on the beach all the time. She said our time will come when the kids are grown and I thought, "Not mine." Now I know there will come a day when my kids are grown and doing their own thing, but this may not happen for Maisy. I may always have to make arrangements for Maisy, when I go to help Sadie with the birth of her first baby or go to see Jack graduate from college. Either she will come along, or I will have to arrange for someone to take care of her. Sometimes I even wake up in the middle of the night and think who will take care of Maisy when I die.
I mentioned some of these thoughts to another friend and she said, "Oh Somer, I never thought about that. You have no idea what Maisy's future holds, do you?" And of course she shouldn't have thought about it, she has enough to think about with her own children and worries, and realistically, does anyone know what their child's future holds? I think the thing that worries me is the balance; the balance between Maisy's needs and the needs of the other people in my life. Maybe that's why they call it special needs. But then I'm back to the thought that all needs are special, especially to the person who needs them.
I know this seems morbid and I'm not trying to be negative or a downer, just realistic; its not the part of getting through life that I'm proud of, I wish I didn't worry. Especially in the middle of the night or when I should be enjoying other things. Sometimes I watch a young adult wiping down a table or greeting at a store and I wonder if Maisy will have a job like that someday. Which doesn't seem too bad to me, as long as she's happy, but still, its not what I envision for my other kids.
So I guess that, while I will always find reason to smile and laugh, and I will probably grow old singing "Popcorn Popping" in the middle of stores, every life comes with worries and stress. Maybe raising children is just a series of sleepless nights worrying about what may or may not be and waiting to find out what is.
9 comments:
My parents are in their sixties and are just now making a will to decide what will happen to their special needs son, my brother, when they die. My youngest brother has asked to take him. His wife is a nurse and would have no problem doing those "dirty jobs." All of us sibs plan on helping and caring for our brother.
But this process has been really hard on my mom. Cause mom's really do know best how to care for their children.
I love you, Somer. Things will be good.
merry will always need a companion. my family knows there are so many people that love her and will take care of her no matter what. maisy is loved. will always be loved. her life will be the best life she would ever want. she'll laugh, and work, and play, and cry, and wish for other circumstance...just like everyone else. xoxox
Hey, do I know Merry? Merry in Virginia??? Casillas?
You wouldn't be a good mom if you didn't worry. Even at 3am in the morning when you should be sleeping. I love you and I love the way you think. Maisy is loved by so many people....and stinking cute!
Somer,
my daughter's special needs are very different from Maisy's but they're still wearying in their own way. I worry too much also. I can only tell you this - we have no way of knowing what life will bring. We can only trudge and shine through each day. It seems like a piece of me is never truly satisfied - I miss the peace and quiet and simplicity of life before children, but I cannot imagine our lives without each and every one of our precious little ones. And, by the way, when we had that peace and quiet, we longed for the days when we would be graced with children. The truth is, we all need a break from every day life, with children or without. We cannot imagine what the future holds, but we can be certain that it holds exactly what it's supposed to hold for each of us. You and Maisy are blessed to have each other, and the world is a better place because BOTH of you are in it. And that balance you seek - the guilt that creeps in - I totally get it. And I can only tell you this - the lessons that our children learn from that lack of balance aren't always fair to them, but they are beyond measure priceless to forming great empathy for their fellow man. They get a lesson on how to accept and love with far fewer boundaries. They are more fortunate than they know.
Hugs! amen. Love you!
Maisy can come stay with me anytime!
Worrying never stops. Now there are grandkids that I wake and worry over. Gosh- I still worry about the grown kids.
You are a wonderful mom and I think your Maisy is a lucky little girl to have been born into such a sweet loving family. I wish all special needs children would have the love and care you give.
Of course you worry! Maisy may have more special needs but, you will find they all have special needs. The worry continues. I sleep very little at this point in my life worrying about my kids' needs and how I can help! Fact is, I can't. I just watch and pray. I realize Maisy's life is beyond her (or your) control but, I truly feel God will make sure she is taken care of! He's already started making sure by sending her to a loving family who will do what it takes to make sure she is safe! She is lucky to have been born into your family and, you are blessed to have been given such a beautiful, special child!
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