Nightmares

Apparently, Sadie has two categories of nightmares. Old-fashioned and new-fangled. So, this morning she comes in my room and says, "I hate those old-fashioned nightmares." They aren't as scary later when she thinks about them, but when she's inside them, they are very scary. I'm not sure how old-fashioned something can be when its only possibly been around for eight years.

Feeding Tubes and French Fries

There are so many things in life that kick us out of our comfort zone. Most often, your comfort zone just expands to meet the new. New kids, new jobs, new places, new friends; it happens, you adjust, you move on. When Miss Maisy was born my comfort zone was shattered. Changing a trach, giving shots, replacing an NG feeding tube, all on my own child. Once I even assisted in a procedure that as of then had not been done at St. Louis Children's. That was a good step for me, I had learned to read a ventilator and I was able to make sure her lung pressure stayed in my comfort zone (which may have been different than that of an overzealous CT fellow.)

Maisy has never been happy about the idea of eating. At first breathing just took precedence over eating, and then it was just too weird of a concept. Now, who knows, maybe its about control or fear, its probably about comfort. Maisy will eat yogurt, ice cream, and she will lick the salt off of french fries. But then she throws them. This is not only embarrassing in restaurants, it is messy at home. So for now we do gravity feeds because you cannot live on salt, yogurt, and ice cream. We are quite used to this hanging in our kitchen.
And I have become very good at being goofy or maybe just remembering my goofy side. Maisy likes to play with the tubes and bite holes in them so we get a nice fountain of formula. The best way to avoid this is to either make her laugh or sing her songs. She is very good at signing "more music" and as long as no one else has to listen to my voice I can sing Itsy Bitsy Spider in a wide variety of ways.
We have broadened our comfort zone. We aren't sure what to do about the flying food in restaurants and welcome any suggestions. But we do know what to do with a child who won't eat. Sing, karate kick, pull silly faces, tickle, and be grateful every day for the miracle that she is. Oh, and I know how to place a nasal gastric feeding tube if anyone needs one.

Tag we're it

Sadie and Ella were tagged by Leia. You can read all about it here and here, respectively.

Pizza Bread

So, this pizza bread is one of my favorite recipes. I found it in Family Fun a few years back and its great, a kid pleaser. But this time I cheated. I always hear on Food Network, buy dough from your local pizza parlor, but I never do. So this time I tried it. It worked out so well that I may never make it again. It was less than $2 a piece and so much easier. However, I will include the whole recipe because it is so great. I start the marinara sauce when I put the bread in the oven and it's a great compliment to the bread.

Easy Pizza Dough
1 1/4 cups warm water (105° to 115°)
1 package active dry yeast
1 teaspoon sugar
2 teaspoons olive oil or vegetable oil
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
3 to 3 1/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour

Filling:
2 to 3 teaspoons dried basil
1/4 pound thinly sliced pepperoni
1 1/2 to 2 cups grated mozzarella

1. Prepare the dough by measuring the water into a large mixing bowl and then sprinkling the yeast over it. Once the yeast starts to dissolve, add the sugar and oil and whisk the mixture to blend it. Set the bowl aside for 5 minutes.
2. Stir the salt into the yeast mixture. Add 2 cups of the flour and beat it in well with a wooden spoon. Add the rest of the flour 1/4 cup at a time, beating well each time, until the dough is firm and no longer sticky. Then scrape the dough from the bowl onto a flour-coated work surface. Knead the dough for about 7 minutes, until it's springy and supple. Place the dough in an oiled medium-size mixing bowl, turning it over once to coat the top and bottom. Cover the bowl with oiled plastic wrap and set it in a warm spot until the dough has doubled in bulk, about 1 hour.
3. Punch down the dough several times with your fist, then turn it out onto a floured surface and knead it for 1 minute. Cover the dough lightly with oiled plastic wrap and let it rest for about 10 minutes.
4. If you bought your dough you will start here: Dust a large baking sheet with fine cornmeal to keep the dough from sticking. With floured hands, start pressing the dough into a large square. Switch to a rolling pin and roll the dough into a 12- by 14-inch rectangle. If the dough springs back when you're rolling it, let it rest for an extra 2 or 3 minutes. Keep your rolling pin floured so the dough doesn't stick to it. Lightly brush the surface of the dough with water, then, with dry hands, sprinkle the basil over the dough. Arrange the pepperoni in long rows over the entire dough, except for a 1-inch border on all sides. Then sprinkle on the cheese. Starting at the long edge closest to you, roll up the dough snugly like a carpet. Tightly pinch together the dough along the seam to seal it, then pinch the ends closed and tuck them under. Transfer the log onto the baking sheet seam down and loosely cover it with oiled plastic wrap. Let the dough rest for 15 minutes in a warm spot while you heat the oven to 400°. 9. Remove the plastic and bake the loaf for about 35 minutes, until it's dark and crusty on all sides. Slide the bread onto a wire rack and let it cool for at least 20 minutes before cutting it into thick slices. Serve warm, with marinara sauce on the side for dipping. Makes 6 to 8 servings.

Easy Marinara Sauce

2 tablespoons olive oil or vegetable oil

1 cup finely chopped onion

1 clove garlic, minced (or1/8 tsp. garlic powder)

1 28-ounce can crushed tomatoes in puree

1/2 teaspoon each dried basil and oregano

1 teaspoon sugar

1/4 teaspoon salt, plus more to taste

Pepper, to taste

Heat the oil in a medium-size saucepan. Stir in the chopped onion and sauté it for about 8 minutes, until translucent. Stir in the garlic and sauté for another 30 seconds. Stir the remaining ingredients into the pan, then cover the sauce and bring it back to a simmer, stirring occasionally. Cook the sauce for about 10 minutes, stirring often. Add more salt and pepper to taste. Makes about 4 cups.

Olympic Fever

After seeing a recap of Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson in the All-around Gymnastics, the girls had a touch of Olympic fever. They set up a "vault" in the hallway with a stool and yoga pad and vaulted and posed the afternoon away.
Sadie took it all very seriously, she made a sign and set everything up. She decorated hers and Ella's leotards and posed like a pro.
Ella was a bit giggly about the whole thing, although she competed her best.
The judges, however, were won over by Sadie's well pointed hands and feet.
Ella won the white kitten key chain for her perpetual smile throughout her performance. Sadie was awarded the blue butterfly necklace for her beautiful poise and ability to remain composed while everyone else had the giggles.

The Narrows

Evan got together with a group of friends last week and took a trip out to Zion's National Park. They did some canyoneering and hiking. The main hike they rappelled into Orderville Canyon and hiked out through the canyon into the Narrows. I had forgotten what a beautiful place it is until I saw his pictures. Maybe I can go next year.
This year however, it was a bunch of guys being manly.
Doing a little swimming... A lot of hiking...
and enjoying each other in beautiful surroundings.
It doesn't get much better than that. I'm glad they had a good time. Now where should we go for a girl's trip?

Carolina Style Pork Sandwiches

My friends in South Carolina will probably laugh at this post, but I miss Carolina Barbeque. When we moved away I made several attempts to duplicate a taste of South Carolina. A friend asked me to make barbeque sandwiches for our Church Women's Organization social, so Tuesday night I used this recipe. It is my version of pulled pork sandwiches, without the smoker and the whole pig. We had a fun evening of visiting, eating, hitting a pinata, eating, and talking some more. Since a few people asked for the recipe and I do love to share, here it is:

Pulled Pork Sandwiches

3-4 lb. pork loin or tenderloins
1 cup apple cider vinegar
1/3 cup ketchup
2/3 cup mustard
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 T coarse salt
1 T Tabasco
1 t pepper
1/4 t garlic powder
10-12 sandwich rolls

Place pork in crock pot. In large glass bowl, mix remaining ingredients. Pour over pork and cook until able to shred with two forks; approx. 4-5 hours on high or 6-8 hours on low. Place shredded meat on rolls and serve.

I like to top with gold or South Carolina-style barbeque sauce. You can also top with cole slaw for a nice contrast of flavors.

made with love

This is an overabundance of photos for one little blanket, but if I could curl up under a yard of fabric this blankie would have been mine. Heather Bailey designs beautiful fabric and this tag idea is my new favorite thing. I love the colors, the flannel, the tag. Sometimes you finish a project and it is not at all what you intended. But other times you get more than you bargained for.
Sometimes we just need a little bit of specialness. Miss Avery is recovering from open heart surgery and she deserves a little something special right now. I borrowed the book from the library, so give that a try.

Barrettes

I am in love with these little barrettes. I only had a couple of minutes to spare and pink thread on my machine, so I only made three but I will try more! I made one with a covered button that Sadie wore to school and it was very cute. This one was for a tiny little cutie who will remain anonymous until she gets her package. I might try to make some like this. I'll let you know if that works out.

Messy, messy

This is what Maisy does when I put her down for a nap. Yes, her shirt is wet, she took off her diaper. Her sheets and blanket were wet as well. Am I dreaming to think that an almost four-year-old should still take naps. There are extenuating circumstances, Maisy is not an average three-year-old. Sometimes watching the effort she has to exert just to get around makes me tired.
Is a couple of hours of quiet, pretending that Maisy is asleep, worth having to change the sheets, clean up the torn up coloring books, and give Maisy a bath? I haven't decided yet. A child with special needs offers so much good, but with that comes a lot of work. "Unto whom much is given, much is required."

White Rabbit

When I was younger I drove a convertible, white Volkswagen. It was very used but I loved it and in a sea of SUV's, it was just another symbol of how I did not quite fit in at my High School. It also stood as another reminder of who I was back then. Anyone who has seen Alice in Wonderland knows what white rabbits say; "I'm late."

I have tried to overcome my perpetual lateness, but I am sorry to say that my mother-in-law, who lives in Colorado did not receive her Mother's Day present until our trip out there last month. I was going through our pictures from the trip and here is her tote that I made. Sorry it was so late Christie.
I really like this pattern's versatility. I have made it for adults and kids with good results.

I don't mean to gush but...

Ella and Jack were hanging out on the front porch and I couldn't help taking some pictures.
I love black and white, and there is just something about bare feet.
I think I need to spend more time just sitting, I find this very difficult. Tonight, I tucked Maisy into bed and then lay down beside her and we giggled about silly words. She loves sound words, crash, boom, slap, bang, pow... they always make her laugh. Hearing her little laugh in turn made me laugh. She enjoyed this so much that she reached over, unprompted, and gave me a hug.

It is hard for me to explain what it means to me to receive something I have wanted for years. She has been giving great hugs for a few months now but the feeling I get when I receive one is still profound. Maisy has the ability to warm you from the inside out. It is a feeling we all need to experience; it is such pure love.

So often I have a tendency to take love for granted. I love my children, I love my husband, I love my family, I love my friends, but I forget to tell you. I need to tell you. Thank you. Thank you for visiting with me. Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for the things you do, the smiles and kind words. Thank you for being there for me. And thank you for caring enough about us to read this. I love you.

Good days and bad

As a mom, I think feeling bad is a way life. My mom has always said, "A mother is only as happy as her most unhappy child."

This morning I walked the girls to the edge of the school grounds and then turned to kiss them goodbye. Ella, who had been saying, "You can go Mom," for quite some time, gave me her cheek. But Sadie grabs my arm and wouldn't let go. " A little further, Mom." "I have to go, honey. I have things to do." So we walk a little further. Ella continues to say, "You can go, Mom." I reluctantly negotiate my arm down until Sadie and I are just holding hands. Then, slowly I let go. I lean down and kiss her cheek. "Have a good day at school, girls." Ella waves, her back turned already walking away. Sadie looks up at me with sad eyes, "Okay, Mom." She almost whispers. "I love you." I whisper back. I watch them walk away and wonder why I have to let go. And why doesn't she want me to? Did she have a bad day yesterday? Was I too harsh when she wouldn't get dressed this morning? Is she missing her friend that is in a different class this year? Why does one child almost run to what is new, while the other hangs on to what once was? Why can't I take her my arms and run the other way? Why do I feel so bad?

So instead I walk home, pick up Jack and hold him close. This only lasts a few seconds before he wiggles away. I will probably feel bad until this afternoon, when I pick her up from school and she jumps into my arms. "I had a good day at school, Mom." "Oh honey, I'm so glad." Ella will be yelling, "Me too, Mom." from halfway down the street. And we'll all be happy again.

Pincushion Challenge

If you remember, my friend and I entered a challenge on AllPeopleQuilt.com. They have recently announced the winner and I humbly concede. Such a clever design, resourceful and cute. I love my little pincushion and am happy Angela encouraged me to make it. Thanks for voting for us.

Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Moon

My baby turned two on Saturday. I really can't believe he is already two. He is such a handsome little guy and I am so proud of him, but I need him to stay little.
Our musically inclined child needed a musical party, so we had instruments, microphones, and a little Dan Zanes in the background.
There was food, a guitar shaped pinata, swinging, jumping on the trampoline and plenty of kisses to go around.

Jack got a ton of presents,
including a small, electric, guitar-hero-like guitar, that he slept with.

He sang the night away and stayed up way past his bedtime. Bobbing his head and saying, "Ahwight," after every song. I think he has heard Cats in the Cradle too many times.
Actually, it was quite possibly a perfect summer night. Good friends, loved family, happy kids, sunburned faces, bare feet...
And one of the sweetest, cutest, little boys I have ever had the pleasure to know.
Not that I'm partial or anything.

Little Clutch

Just a little clutch I made for my cousin for her birthday. Somehow the button elastic ended up a little off center.
But I love the colors and was happy with how it turned out. I should have put a flower on the other side for some balance. But still a great pattern for a going-out clutch.

First Days

With an overabundance of kids in our neighborhood, we are on year-round school; and so Monday was the first day of school. Or at least for Sadie, Ella's first full day was Tuesday. I'm not sure how I feel about both girls being in school all day, but it has taught me a few things. First of all, what you are ready for has little to do with your age or what your mom is ready for, and instead a lot to do with your personality. (I'm thirty-two and I'm still not ready for starting first grade.)

Second, the house really does stay cooler when kids don't open and forget to shut the door all day long. I even turned the thermostat up.
And third, the ease of having two kids at home is relative to how many kids you are used to having. I can't believe how much I can get done! Now I just need to adjust to the quieter house and the not wanting to hold my hand when we walk to school.