Good days and bad

As a mom, I think feeling bad is a way life. My mom has always said, "A mother is only as happy as her most unhappy child."

This morning I walked the girls to the edge of the school grounds and then turned to kiss them goodbye. Ella, who had been saying, "You can go Mom," for quite some time, gave me her cheek. But Sadie grabs my arm and wouldn't let go. " A little further, Mom." "I have to go, honey. I have things to do." So we walk a little further. Ella continues to say, "You can go, Mom." I reluctantly negotiate my arm down until Sadie and I are just holding hands. Then, slowly I let go. I lean down and kiss her cheek. "Have a good day at school, girls." Ella waves, her back turned already walking away. Sadie looks up at me with sad eyes, "Okay, Mom." She almost whispers. "I love you." I whisper back. I watch them walk away and wonder why I have to let go. And why doesn't she want me to? Did she have a bad day yesterday? Was I too harsh when she wouldn't get dressed this morning? Is she missing her friend that is in a different class this year? Why does one child almost run to what is new, while the other hangs on to what once was? Why can't I take her my arms and run the other way? Why do I feel so bad?

So instead I walk home, pick up Jack and hold him close. This only lasts a few seconds before he wiggles away. I will probably feel bad until this afternoon, when I pick her up from school and she jumps into my arms. "I had a good day at school, Mom." "Oh honey, I'm so glad." Ella will be yelling, "Me too, Mom." from halfway down the street. And we'll all be happy again.