Wisdom

I was asked to share an experience of trial in church today, but we ran out of time. The experience I had is personal, but when I saw the lesson subheading,"Confidence in God’s power, wisdom, and love will help us avoid discouragement in times of trial," I felt I needed to share. I knew I would cry, so I compiled my thoughts ahead of time, tonight I went back and edited and thought about what I would have said today. Here is my story:

When I was two I was diagnosed with a kidney disorder called kidney reflux. By the time I was four, my kidneys were so badly damaged my mom was told I would need a kidney transplant by twelve. I ended up being scheduled for a new procedure they were trying at Stanford Medical Center. I went in to the hospital, had surgery, and went home ten days later. The surgery saved my life, but it also showed me how a wrinkled sheet feels when your entire body hurts.

When I was five, I met Holly. Holly had severe Cerebral Palsy and was in a wheel chair. My mom would pick Holly up at her house and bring her to our house. I would get down on the floor with Holly and we would play. We had a big tree swing made from an old truck tire and my dad would put Holly in the swing and push her for hours. I would watch her squeal and smile and I saw how it felt to fly through the air when you couldn't stand on your own feet.

When I was nine, my best friend was in a car accident that left her completely changed. Six months later when she returned to school, I would push her in her wheelchair to and from class. Andrea could only attend for half a day, because she would get so tired. One day, I was taking her to the office so her mom could take her home; I was pushing her chair and holding an umbrella, but the rain and wind were so strong I couldn't hold on, the wind carried the umbrella away and we were soaked. From the smile on Andrea’s face I realized how wonderful wind and rain feel when you haven’t felt either in six months.

When I was twelve, my parents introduced me to their friends’ daughter. She was a year younger than me and lived half-an-hour away, but we would get together whenever we could. Shurel was deaf and I didn't know sign language, but she read lips and taught me a few signs. I went to the library and checked out every book I could find on the subject, and Shurel and I had many great times together that weren't hindered by a lack of understanding. From Shurel, I learned what it was like to be with someone you couldn't always understand.

When I was seventeen, I was called to be Laurel President. One of the Laurels had a seizure disorder and we were all taught what to do if she had a seizure at church. One day, in the halls at school I saw Erin fall to the ground and begin to seize. I ran to her side and helped her through it, while everyone stared, some at me. Later in class people asked me how I knew her, only they didn't call her Erin, but another name that shocked me. That day, I hurt over someone else’s differences and the way that people treated me because of my relationship with someone who was different.

When I was nineteen, I took a class on human development. For my quarterly paper I chose the topic, the “Correlation Between Low-Birth Weight and Behavior Disorders.” At the library, I poured through studies in the consequence of a lack of touch and bonding in infancy. Through my studies, I took away the knowledge of the role a mother plays in early infancy and how much the early touches, words, and acts of love mean to a child’s future.

When I was twenty-two, I took care of a twelve-year-old girl who had a degenerative muscular disorder. Ashley had a feeding tube and had to be carried to and from the bus and placed in her wheelchair. Through Ashley, I learned the physical and emotional strength it takes to care for a child who can’t help themselves.

One day when doctors, nurses, words, tubes, needles, charts, med pumps, alarms, and sad trusting eyes seemed to be more than I could handle, I ran away from it all to a quiet corner of the hospital. I said a prayer and asked Heavenly Father for knowledge that all would be well. I prayed for a glimpse into the future, a future where I would be raising three little girls at home and all would be well. Instead, I saw these experiences, kind of a “life flashing before your eyes” moment. All these random things that had happened and people I had met that had prepared me for the time I had come to right then, at that moment.

I realized that if God loved me enough to help me meet Holly, Andrea, Shurel, Erin, and Ashley; If He loved me enough to teach me these tiny little lessons and keep them cherished memories, years before I would ever need these lessons. He loved me enough to help me through now. While these people didn't go through their trials to help me, they had helped me. And while I didn't and wouldn't know what the future held, it was not a coincidence that these experiences had gotten me here. Just as the experiences of that moment would get me to the next step, if I just have faith in wisdom beyond my understanding. “…all these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good.”