In some ways Maisy is the toughest little girl I know. She has been through so much, how could she not be one tough girl. There were days in the hospital that she would be in so much pain. She would look in my eyes and my tears would begin. Quiet tears running down my face, because I knew how much my daughter was suffering. I would hold her hands and sing her songs, sometimes the song would bring her heart rate down and I could watch the effect I had on my sweet daughter. She went through withdrawal while in the hospital and had one terrible Thanksgiving weekend where the pain was so visible in her tiny one-month-old body.
When she came home there were still days where she barely moved she was so weak. And when she was sick back in February you could hardly tell, which is why it got so bad. Here was my sweet girl with an ear infection, pneumonia, and RSV and I had no idea.
For the first two-and-a-half years I had to give her shots twice a day and she would barely flinch. Her strength was a blessing and a curse, I was so glad that she fought so hard and I am proud of how strong she is, but I am sad that it has to be that way. So often it broke my heart to see her have to stare down pain when she should be learning to roll over or crawl or coo.
But then there are her little feelings. I am so afraid for the future of her feelings. She is this sweet little girl who is devastated by being told no. When she gets hurt, she is more upset by the fact that someone would hurt her than the actual pain. She has a very distinct "hurt feelings" cry that once heard, is usually followed by someone saying, "Jack, leave Maisy alone."
The worst part of this sensitivity is our knowledge of what's to come. Unfortunately, kids can be mean. For that matter, adults can be mean. I get teary when I think of the things she may hear or see, the way she may be treated and the way that will make her feel. If I tell her over and over how wonderful she is, will it be enough to make her know it? Will it be enough for her to keep her kindness without bruising her sensitivity?
4 comments:
Even though sometimes kids (and some adults) can be thoughtless and mean, everyone who looks at Maisy knows how wonderful and sweet she is. There are so many people in her life that will remind her of that, and I am sure it will continue to be that way. She is a special girl in so many ways.
Physically speaking, Maisy is a strong-y and that's, unfortunately, how it's been for her, so she can take more than the rest of us. Then, since there's nothing that is just physical, that doesn't effect us spiritually, she translates that strength spiritually. I think Maisy is close to the spirit and feels things deeply. As you well know. She is an example to us and will be to many as time goes by. Thankfully, Heavenly Father knows all and has a plan.
My mother's sister had Down's Syndrome! The doctor asked my grandmother if she would like him to just get rid of her when she was born! My grandma wouldn't hear of it! The doctor said she would never learn to walk or talk! She totally took care of her self when she got a little older. She also took care of Grandma after she had a stroke! She lived to be 62 yo...kinda unusual for a Down's child, esp. at the time she was born! Grandma threw a huge birthday party for her every year! She could be trusted to watch a newborn and did a wonderful job! She was the bright spot in our family! She was loved and returned that love! Sure she'll have some hard times but, Maisy will be fine because of the LOVE! That's the key!
What a sweet little girl you have. It was so good to see you all at the Fountains. Your a truly amazing mother and your daughter is sweet because of you! Its good to read all about your cute little family. Keep on writing.
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