Some days are better than others. Some days stand out as ordinary, and yet they sparkle in the beauty of normalcy.
Today, as I walked my girls to school, Ella turned around about fifty feet from the point where I stop and they continue on. She stopped, turned around, and ran back. I gave her a hug and walked a little longer with her hand in mine. And I could sense the longing. Some days are easier than others.
I feel a little bad that her "hard to face" day was my "my daughter still needs me" day. It seems I have a bit of longing too. Often, lately, I find myself thinking back. Back to a time when I was a little persons' whole world. And, while that can be an overwhelming feeling, it can also be a wonderful feeling to know that some one needs you. My kids are quickly moving beyond that. They have these wonderful little personalities that have very little to do with Mom. They are their own people. That's not to say that they haven't always been their own, but there was a time when they looked to me for more than just food and hugs.
Sometimes I long for the tiny days. Tiny feet, tiny clothes, tiny meals, tiny comfort radius. I would watch my little ones step away and look back, then venture a little further and look back again, so unsure of how far was too far. Then the day comes when they don't look back and they run. And you aren't ready. It's too soon, their too young. And I'm not ready. So right now, if they need me, even for a moment, I'll take it. I'll take it and I'll hold on to it and I'll savor it, because before I know it, its gone.
Today, as I walked my girls to school, Ella turned around about fifty feet from the point where I stop and they continue on. She stopped, turned around, and ran back. I gave her a hug and walked a little longer with her hand in mine. And I could sense the longing. Some days are easier than others.
I feel a little bad that her "hard to face" day was my "my daughter still needs me" day. It seems I have a bit of longing too. Often, lately, I find myself thinking back. Back to a time when I was a little persons' whole world. And, while that can be an overwhelming feeling, it can also be a wonderful feeling to know that some one needs you. My kids are quickly moving beyond that. They have these wonderful little personalities that have very little to do with Mom. They are their own people. That's not to say that they haven't always been their own, but there was a time when they looked to me for more than just food and hugs.
Sometimes I long for the tiny days. Tiny feet, tiny clothes, tiny meals, tiny comfort radius. I would watch my little ones step away and look back, then venture a little further and look back again, so unsure of how far was too far. Then the day comes when they don't look back and they run. And you aren't ready. It's too soon, their too young. And I'm not ready. So right now, if they need me, even for a moment, I'll take it. I'll take it and I'll hold on to it and I'll savor it, because before I know it, its gone.
3 comments:
So true! It is so wonderful to be needed by someone else in such a consuming way. It makes the overwhelming part of it alright. I feel exactly the same way you do with Jeffrey. I watch him run to school every morning and it tugs at my heart just a little bit that my baby has become so independent. Where did the time go?
Don't worry!!! They won't be tiny again but, they will always need you! They want independence now...that's their age, but they always need their Mom!!! Especially a great one like you!!!
Somer, you shouldn't have that longing feeling yet. They still need you tons. Wait until they are 15 or 16, then they won't need you as much, wait until your first gets married.....or goes on a mission.......or moves away. Don't have that longing feeling yet, even though they are gaining a little bit of independence, they have a long way to go before they won't really need you like they do now.
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